Europe

For those of you who knew us before we left, and for those of you who met us while we were drunk, here is the story of what happened.

We left Glasgow on the 4th, flew to Frankfurt (which looks like an inside-out-shithole) and had our first beer at 2am while waiting for the 5am train to Dresden. Another from Dresden to Prague and we arrive in beautiful sunshine...


Kilted up, we headed out after finding beers for 28 pence and got so bladdered that Rossco fell asleep in the middle of the street on the way home and narrowly avoided getting run over. This was him 5 minutes before a car almost ran him over...



If anyone from Prague is reading this who owns a bar with a bull made out of papier mache that recently was broken at approx 6am, here's your proof.

After Prague we hit Cracow, possibly the best city in Eastern Europe. Checking into Mama's hostel (hello all you love gods!) we head out to catch a glimpse of the football and a few beers. Scotland 2 - Norway 1 and we go mental, meeting a group of Scottish nutters in the process. Insane amounts of Polish vodka was necked while the boys sang "There's only one Kenny Miller". We end up in some dodgy club and someone takes a photo just as I forget how to pronounce my own name....



The next night involves kilts, getting bought drinks by random locals and ross trying to sleep in the wrong dorm. The next day was an early start as we set off on the bus journey from hell with the hangover from hell to the place that is as close to hell as you'll ever see. Auschwitz...



It looks fairly decent from the photo but what you are actually looking at is the exact point where 1.5 million Jews were murdered. I sit on the monument, full of rage for approximately 20 minutes, trying to take it all in with a thumping headache.

That night we hit the town. Bad. Pretty much the whole hostel descends on the sweatiest club in Poland and everyone goes a little crazy...







Thanks to all the girls who didn't tell us it was actually a gay club while we wore kilts and danced on tables. No wonder Ross almost pulled. A man.

We got back to the hostel around 5am, with Ross and I electing to sleep on the couches as there were no rooms. I slept a bit on the toilet as well and apparently there is video evidence. Christ!

The next day is the still-half-pished bike ride around Cracow, which I recommend to everyone to do. Our tour guide John showed us around pretty much all of Cracow including the Jewish ghetto and Oskar Schindler's factory where the film Schinler's list comes from. A small history lesson - observe the photo below...

That is one of the walls of the Jewish ghetto, still intact to this day. Notice the random semi-circular shapes at top of the wall, which really don't need to be there? That is the typical shape of an Orthodox Jewish gravestone. The Nazi bastards thought it would be funny, in addition to cramming 50000 people into one block, to remind them that they pretty much faced certain death, no matter what they did.

Another couple of nights in Cracow, the home of the sweatiest clubs and bard on the planet, and we eventually have to say our almost-teary goodbyes to some folk and Mama's hostel as we head for our overnight train to Budapest.

Robyn, Claire, AJ, Brookski, Rossco and I board the train and start to drift asleep as we start to cross the Slovenian border. Then something funny happens. The random guy in our cabin gets dragged off at gunpoint after he shows his "passport" to the authorities. Malts.

We go out, get absolutely BLOTTO at a pool hall when we hear Rangers jammed out a 3-2 win against Porto. Note: If you ever have a bad hangover in Hungary, go to the baths, they are absolutely fizin - so many different pools, steam rooms, saunas etc. Hangover gone...



Our next stop was Vienna, Austria. We go on another bike tour, this time led by Harry Potter, and learn pretty much nothing apart from where to go to get absolutely blind. We comply, and before you know it we're in a quiet little bar having a couple of pints with a Jimmy Carr lookalike...



Suddenly, the DJ cranks the music up a couple of notches and then...



We could not believe our luck! Ross stands there for 30 minutes in a daze while I find the second most beautiful thing I have ever seen and move in for the kill...



Our last stop is Munchen for the 1st day of Oktoberfest. For those of you who don't know what that is, its basically where you sit in a large hall with a band and get fed pints of beer until you fall asleep. Cue dancing on the tables to Barvarian bands who 'rock zee sheet'...



The next day we start at 11am, manage to get a seat early and play insane drinking games with some Italians, Frenchies, Russians and the biggest German you have ever seen called Marius. 12 hours of drinking later and we get congratulated by our waiter who bears an uncanny resemblance to Michael Mols. Cue more dancing on the tables...



Its more of the same for the next couple of days with the Americans, then our bodies refused to drink anymore. We give ourselves the last day off before getting on a tram, train, bus, plane and car home, our livers in tow. Mission complete.

Mick